It’s a new beginning to an old dream….
This morning I found an old journal and realized that I write about the same things over and over again, year after year.
It’s always the same, what I want is always the same:
I want to write and share it.
I want to take pictures and share them.
I want to offer something meaningful to others – something in my experience that might help someone else in their journey.
I want to meditate and do yoga regularly , like I used to, not once a year like I do now.
I want to create enough solitude and space around me so that all these things can be in my life!
But none of it happens. I just never happens for more than a day or two. Then it’s back to regular, habitual programming….
I want to know the WHY of this self perpetuating pattern!
This blog is the beginning of that quest. I will dig deep and not give up. And I will share what I can, in the hope that what I uncover might be helpful to you in your own journey inward.
I know I am not alone in this ‘stuck-ness’. Perhaps that’s why are you are here with me now…. I am convinced it is a deep seated programming that plagues and controls many, many women of my generation and upbringing. And if you struggle with it as well, welcome aboard!
It’s always comforting to set out on a journey with a friend for support and companionship.
Like so many of us, I have spent my life functioning on a conditioned auto pilot with a belief system that runs a never ending script that says: ‘Everyone else’s well being is more important than my own. My responsibility is first to them, then to myself.’ And my own personal mantra… “once I get everything done, then I will write/photograph/meditate/create….”
I hope the next generation of women, and all those that follow, will not struggle with this as my generation has done. Surely we have helped our daughters and granddaughters find a deeper connection with their inner life than we have. I do so hope so, but I cannot speak for them and the issues they face, only my own.
Even now, as I am writing this, in my newly created Ikea office space, I cannot close the door to say ‘stay out, do not interrupt. Creation in progress.’ Instead the door stays open, interruptions happen, the journal is closed, the laptop shut, and the flow ends. I have such little regard for my own right to privacy and space… I cannot bring myself to defend it!
I have to know why!
Is it fear? and if so, of what? Rejection? Anger? Hurt? Offending someone I love?
Apparently, that is my first task … to find the courage to close that door and keep it shut until I choose to open it, until I choose to NOT be responsible for anyone else’s reaction to my desire, my deepest need, for privacy and personal sacred space.
I begin with that one small revolutionary act – closing the door.
And if you feel so inclined, please join me, and if it feels right, share with me.
Together we can learn how to create and defend the space that we need to nurture our own Creative Life, however we imagine that to be.
I do believe this could be the first step on the path to unleashing the Wild Woman Sage from her prison inside our hearts.
’til we merry meet again,